If You Don't Watch The U.S. Men's Rugby Team Play Today Then You're Not Really An American

The U.S. Men’s Rugby Sevens team kicks off at high noon verse the Puma’s of Argentina on NBC sports and I’m drinking aready in anticipation. In addition to being the best olympic sport, its also the most fun to gamble on since the games are only 14 mins long. We’re going to be favored in our first two games (Argentina at 12, and Brazil at 5 pm) today and here’s why betting on the US Eagles is a good idea

-We have this guy

We have this guy:

We’ve got this big mean asshole/recurring Pardon My Take guest Danny Barrett:

We’ve got Madison Hughes our captain whose probably the scrappiest, grittiest, athlete on the planet this side of Danny Woodhead:

And we’re playing verse Argentina a country that owns the dubious distincton of being the only nation in the 20th century to lose a war against Great Britain without our help. Argentina is renowned for clutch athletes like Lionel Messi, Batistuta, Javier Zanetti, and other superstars who are allways at their best when the stakes are highest, but I think we can pull this one off.

Then we play the host nation Brazil at 5 pm, which is a team of players who only played rugby because they werent good enough to tie Iraq or lose to Germany 7-1 in soccer.

Then tomorrow we play Fiji.

Rugby 7s is the best olympic sport, and if your not watching it today at noon on NBC Sports or here then theres the door.